


a wanderer and a wonderer

by maizonos



Series: Hyungwon Bingo (May - August 2019) [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: 17th Century, Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Renaissance, Alternate Universe - Theatre, Chae Hyungwon-centric, Crushes, Hyungwon Bingo, I wrote this with Shakespeare's stuff in mind but I never mention any specific play so eh, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, No alcohol abuse, Period-Typical Homophobia, Secret Crush, Unspecified Setting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 10:47:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20062768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maizonos/pseuds/maizonos
Summary: Changkyun wanders. Hyungwon wonders.Or, Hyungwon can't get over the fact that Changkyun left the play.





	a wanderer and a wonderer

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second fic for the Hyungwon Bingo, with the prompt being Past. :D I tried my best to try to make the fic seem like it's really set around the 17th century, but I might have made some blunders here and there due to some uncertainties about whether some things were in existence at that time. However, I've used more modern language as attempting old English is too difficult for me. I like to think that it's set in England but that's a little odd since they're all Korean and I don't think it was very easy for people to immigrate easily back then so it doesn't matter. Oh, also, I apologise if the tenses are all over the place.

“The show must go on.”

That’s what Kihyun and all the others say whenever Hyungwon looks down in the dumps again. Changkyun would say it too if he were there, being the one who first introduced the saying to them, but his absence is the whole reason why Hyungwon needs to be reminded of that in the first place.

It’s not Hyungwon’s fault Changkyun abruptly pulled out of the play. At least, he doesn’t think it is. Hyungwon still doesn’t know why Changkyun had suddenly decided he wanted out of performing in front of their largest audience yet, and as one of the two main characters too. Maybe he’ll never know. Right after he announced that he was leaving the company, Changkyun disappeared, belongings and all, from the quarters which all of them had been staying in.

Hyungwon could never crack the enigma that is Changkyun. But ever since his disappearance, Hyungwon can’t stop wondering what Changkyun’s up to, the mystery only becoming more and more confusing to him.

But still, the show must go on.

Hyungwon has to tell himself this too every time he considers leaving the company to go in search of Changkyun. The secretive boy hadn’t left a single clue for Hyungwon about his whereabouts, nor his reasons for leaving. Not once had Hyungwon heard Changkyun complain about the intense rehearsals or share dreams of doing something other than acting. Maybe it turned out that this wasn’t for him and he didn’t want to trouble the others by talking about it. That was what Kihyun, always the logical thinker, had proposed on one of the nights where they discussed what had happened. Yeah, maybe that was all it was. But most of Hyungwon still refused to believe it.

There were many bad things, for Hyungwon, about Changkyun leaving the play and the company, but maybe there were one or two good things about it too. For one, Changkyun had left long before they had finished going through everything. This made it easier for the understudy, Jooheon, to step in and just take over the role since Changkyun probably wasn’t coming back. Secondly, there is a kiss scene, and that had been Hyungwon’s top concern, up till Changkyun left, of course. It’s a lot easier kissing someone he wasn’t close to at all than kissing the person he was close friends with and appeared to have conflicting feelings for.

Months have passed since the shocking news of Changkyun wanting out. The company continued with preparing for the grand start of this play being shown in such a huge venue despite the loss of Changkyun’s explosive talent and aptitude for playing female characters even though his voice was deeper than any ocean. Hyungwon still cannot let go of Changkyun from his mind. It was like the boy had control over his mind because everywhere he looked, he thought of Changkyun and only Changkyun. Even as he practised every scene, he imagined what it would have been like had Changkyun continued on with his role. Especially when it came to that kiss scene. There had been nights, too many nights, where he lay in bed wondering what it would feel to kiss Changkyun. Of course, when it came to performing, it didn’t have to be a dramatic and deep kiss, it just had to look like one. But he still wondered what Changkyun’s lips would feel if he were to brush his own against them. It was through this that Hyungwon realised that he liked Changkyun in another manner, not how friends like one another, but far more than that. That was complicated, given that they were both male and people said that males were to be with females and all that. It made sense, what they said, but Hyungwon wasn’t just going to go and alienate himself if it meant society would be happy. So he just kept it to himself.

With every passing day, Changkyun still occupied his thoughts, along with all of Hyungwon’s lines and stage directions, which were supposed to be more important. This was the case even when the show was about to start.

Hushed whispers run among the cast as some peek out at the audience piling into the area. These would be the people who would judge their first official performance. Whether they failed or succeeded with this play all depended on how well they performed tonight and how well the audience took it. Would they leave with a satisfied feeling or would they leave feeling relieved that it was over? Closing his eyes as Kihyun fixes his hair, Hyungwon takes a deep breath to calm his nerves.

“Relax, it’ll be fine. Just do as we rehearsed and the show will be a success. Pretend the audience is like any other, try not to look too hard at them.” Kihyun, always the caring friend, pats Hyungwon’s shoulder.

“Why did you even stop acting if you’re able to stay this calm?” Hyungwon inquires, craning his neck to look at Kihyun.

“It’s not for me. If I were in your place, I’d be ten times more nervous, Hyungwon. I’m not the one going on stage so it’s definitely less scary for me right now.” Kihyun shrugs. “You just have to believe in yourself. I know it’s easier said than done, but it will all work out, trust me.”

Hyungwon nods. It would be a lot harder for him to keep his cool if Changkyun was still the one playing the other lead. He remembers how many times he slipped up on his lines whenever the scene involved looking into Changkyun’s eyes. Thank goodness it’s not Changkyun now. At the same time, Hyungwon still wishes it was Changkyun playing the other lead.

Someone announces that they are starting in five minutes, and Hyungwon quickly stands up, thanking Kihyun and wandering over to where he will first enter the stage, waiting for his cue.

Minutes pass like seconds, and Hyungwon finds himself instinctively entering the stage where the entire audience can see him as the play begins.

He performs flawlessly, considering it almost as easy as breathing. Maybe a little surprisingly, he hasn’t made any mistakes so far, which is good news. Performing on stage is such a delight, made even better whenever he can tell the audience is enjoying it too. He takes each and every opportunity to spare tiny glances at their faces, trying to figure out exactly what they’re feeling. That part is sadly, not easy because most of the time he’s supposed to have his eyes on Jooheon and Jooheon only. It’s not that Jooheon is ugly or is not as good at acting as Changkyun, but Hyungwon has no interest in him. Over time, they became friends, but it just stopped there. Hyungwon would rather look at the audience’s reactions to everything that happens on the stage.

It is only when Hyungwon swoops down to gently plant the most dramatic kiss of the whole play on Jooheon’s lips that he catches a glimpse of the very back of the theatre. It’s not much, but he just barely makes out a sharp, defined nose, an intense gaze and lips set in a thin line. Features that Hyungwon associates very heavily with Changkyun. It’s been months, yes, but that face is almost unmistakably Changkyun’s. Hyungwon pauses for maybe a second too long as his lips graze Jooheon’s, but he quickly pulls himself together and pulls Jooheon up again, starting his next line.

The new dash of self-consciousness doesn’t leave him for the rest of the play as he now focuses on trying to steal looks at that corner of the theatre where Changkyun is apparently seated. It must be him, Hyungwon deduces after multiple glances.

Tempted as he is to jump off the stage and run over to Changkyun, he holds himself back. Not now. It would ruin the entire play. They’d probably throw his understudy, Hyunwoo, in straight away if he really did suddenly leave, but he can’t just abandon everyone like that. Months had been spent perfecting this play, and it would be an utter disappointment if it doesn’t turn out to be anything more than mediocre to the people. Besides, Changkyun would probably chide him for disrupting the play.

So, the show will go on. Hyungwon won’t let anything ruin it. Not even his desire to speak to Changkyun one last time.

Everything goes by so quickly after he decides that he will resist the tempting urge to run off in pursuit of Changkyun. The play continues to progress smoothly, and soon Hyungwon discovers that they’ve miraculously reached the end. It’s over, it dawns on him. They did it.

There’s a standing ovation as they bow, and Hyungwon takes this chance to look over at Changkyun’s corner properly. He’s clapping, sure, but Hyungwon can’t quite decipher the expression on his face. Changkyun’s expressions have always been unreadable, so hard to figure out. He’s so careful in hiding what he’s thinking or feeling.

The entire cast slowly files off the stage to the backstage area, and Hyungwon stares at Changkyun all the while. He’s almost certain that Changkyun is staring back, his gaze never wavering. Hyungwon wants to say something to him, but it feels like there’s something holding him back. He follows the others as they all walk away. He can hear the audience chattering as they leave, taking their tomatoes and foul language with them, even as he is taking off his costume. It’s a relief, really, that the play seems to have been a success. It would be so embarrassing, so shameful, if they didn’t enjoy it, and things would turn really messy. Changkyun would be utterly disappointed too, and Hyungwon can’t handle the thought of that.

He almost forgets about Changkyun because the moment all the props have been taken away and everyone is ready to leave for the night, Minhyuk proposes going for a drink to celebrate the successful opening of the play. Hyungwon doesn’t like drinking much, and nor does he wish to suffer the effects of a hangover. But Kihyun drags him with the rest of them anyway, ceaselessly insisting that Hyungwon has worked hard and deserves to let loose for a bit before they have to really get into more performances of the play.

So he sits at the back of the group in the local pub with Kihyun, both of them holding a glass of somewhat expensive beer. It’s nothing fancy, but Hyungwon is still glad that he’s not the one paying for it, considering how he’s not at all wealthy.

It’s not long before some of them start getting drunk. Hyunwoo is holding onto a very intoxicated Jooheon to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself, and some of the others are hiccuping and swaying to the music. Overall, it can only be described as messy, a huge contrast from how organised and prepared they were on stage. It’s a miracle that no one has come over to tell them to be quiet since it’s already way past midnight, but Hyungwon guesses that the people around here must be used to the pub being overly loud by now.

“Would you be so kind as to let me leave early? I have a feeling we will be here all night. Until we get kicked out, that is. I’m getting bored out of my mind.” Hyungwon rests his elbow on the table and puts his chin in his palm.

“Someone needs to take them back later on, and I certainly can’t do it alone.” Kihyun shakes his head as he watches Jooheon challenge Minhyuk to a fight with little interest.

“So that’s all I’m here for?” Hyungwon teases.

“Of course not, you buffoon, you’re free to enjoy yourself too, it’s just that I know you won’t let yourself go too far as they have.” Kihyun sets his drink down, folding his arms. “I do hope we’ll be able to go soon too. I don’t like spending too much time in these places.”

Hyungwon nods slowly, taking another sip from his own drink. His thought process is once again consumed by Changkyun. Hyungwon had never seen Changkyun drink before. Can he hold his alcohol? Probably, Hyungwon thinks. It sparks off another round of questions circling his mind. He stares into space as he ponders these questions while Kihyun watches him and the rest of the group quietly. Hyungwon doesn’t even notice when some of the group start slumping over.

It’s only when the sun starts rising again that Kihyun announces that they had better leave. Hyunwoo and a few others are already up again, not so drunk anymore and looking utterly confused about what happened the night before.

“Come on, let’s return to our quarters now so we can get some proper sleep. Hyungwon and I have been watching you lot all night, and we’re dead tired so we would really appreciate it if you would cooperate with us.” Kihyun, always the leader, ensures everyone is ready to leave before he throws the door open, ushering them all out. Hyungwon thanks the owner of the pub for the good drinks, and walks behind the rest of the bunch.

When they reach the place they all call ‘home’, Kihyun tells Hyungwon to make sure that everyone has safely returned and no one went astray or anything. Hyungwon obediently turns around to scan their surroundings while the members of the cast slowly pile inside their quarters, with Kihyun counting how many of them are there.

As Hyungwon eyes the neighbouring houses, he notices a figure leaning on the wall with their arms folded. Hyungwon narrows his eyes, trying to get a better look. They have a sharp nose and skinny frame and Hyungwon realises that it can only be Changkyun.

He gets the impression that he should approach Changkyun and find out what’s he up to over there, so he takes a step towards the other man when he hears Kihyun calling for him. “Hyungwon! Is everything good over there? I’ve just sent all the tired ones to bed and the others to go wash up. Everyone’s been accounted for!”

“Yeah, everything’s fine, I’ll be with you in a minute!” Hyungwon shouts back as he starts to walk over to Changkyun.

However, as he nears Changkyun, Changkyun shakes his head and gestures for Hyungwon to stop walking closer.

Hyungwon isn’t sure if he understands but does as he is told. Changkyun flashes him a smile, then reaches a hand out in front of him, making a gesture consisting of a closed fist and his thumb sticking out. It takes Hyungwon a few moments to realise that it’s a thumbs up, something that Changkyun had taught Hyungwon about. It’s another one of those things that Changkyun brought with him from wherever he came from, just like the saying ‘the show must go on’ and the peculiar trinkets that only he knows how to use. Changkyun had previously explained that the thumbs up signified something like ‘you did well’, or is a sign of encouragement.

Hyungwon opens his mouth to thank Changkyun, but Changkyun shakes his head again, the corners of his lips turning up. Then he pulls up his right sleeve, revealing one particular gadget that had caught Hyungwon’s interest when Changkyun had first shown it to him - a watch. It reflects what time it was, and can also show the date and perform a few other functions, he recalls Changkyun telling him. It is beautiful and also very intriguing to Hyungwon, watching the little parts move continuously.

Changkyun turns a few knobs on the side of the watch’s face, then looks back up at Hyungwon, tilts his head to the side and grins, raising his left hand to offer a salute. In the next second, he disappears into thin air. Hyungwon’s jaw drops.

“Hyungwon? What’s taking you so long?” Kihyun appears beside Hyungwon, a look of slight concern cast over his face.

“I think I’m seeing things...” Hyungwon mutters, unsure if he should confess that he had seen Changkyun for the first time in months.

Kihyun immediately tugs Hyungwon down and puts his palm on Hyungwon’s forehead. “Well, I don’t think you’re sick. Maybe it was the drink you had? We’re all quite tired so it makes sense. Let’s get you in bed now, alright?”

Hyungwon nods and lets Kihyun lead him back to their quarters. “I’ll come back to check on you in a while,” Kihyun says once they reach Hyungwon’s small room.

Once Kihyun leaves the room, Hyungwon realises that there’s a stack of paper on his pillow, so he picks it up, examining the words on it. It dawns on him after the first line that it’s another copy of the script. And judging by the scrawls all over certain sections of it, it’s Changkyun’s script. But why is it here? Hyungwon wouldn’t put it past Changkyun to have sneaked in here just to give it to Hyungwon. Hyungwon sighs, acknowledging that he’ll never truly understand Changkyun. Sitting down on the bed, he flips through the script. Since he knows every scene by heart, it’s only Changkyun’s words that he pays attention to.

Nothing’s really out of the ordinary, Hyungwon knows Changkyun’s the type to leave detailed notes for himself, so the extra words he adds to his own lines are no surprise to Hyungwon. He also underlines words that he’s meant to emphasise, and Hyungwon once again begins to wonder what it would be like if Changkyun had not left the company.

There’s a bunch of notes on how he should carry out some actions too, with several words describing quite explicitly exactly how he should kiss Hyungwon. Hyungwon turns red all over. But he keeps flipping.

On the last page, in the empty space, Changkyun’s handwriting is a lot bigger. “Congratulations,” Hyungwon reads out. “You did it. I’m proud of you.” Hyungwon stares at the script for a while, trying to process those words. Assuming those were addressed to Hyungwon, they were probably written after the play last night, no?

Hyungwon is about to put the script away for a while and get some sleep, when he notices that there’s another word, written at the very bottom corner of the page, far away from the rest of the words Changkyun had written. “Farewell.”

Feeling even more conflicted and confused now, Hyungwon hides it among the rest of his scripts, all from plays he’d previously taken part in. Maybe Changkyun wanted to give it to him for safekeeping? But every guess Hyungwon comes up with is thrown off by the fact that there’s that word in the corner.

He’s climbing into bed when there’s a knock at the door. “It’s Kihyun.”

“Come in,” Hyungwon replies, and Kihyun opens the door, slinking in quietly.

“Feeling better now?” Kihyun asks, sitting on the edge of Hyungwon’s bed.

“Yes, don’t worry about me.”

Kihyun nods. “I assume you’re going to be sleeping now?”

“Yes, I’m exhausted. Thank you for checking in.”

“Alright.” Kihyun stands back up, heading back towards the door. “Goodnight Hyungwon.”

“Wait, I have a question. Have people ever given you their scripts?” Kihyun stops and turns back around to look at Hyungwon.

“Their scripts? You mean permanently?” Hyungwon nods. “Well...a few times, yes. Mostly because they’re leaving the company for good and don’t want to hold onto their scripts when others could make use of them. Or they also want to start anew so they don’t want to keep their old things?”

“I see...thank you. Rest well, see you later. Goodnight.” Hyungwon smiles gratefully.

Kihyun closes the door behind him softly. Once Hyungwon hears his footsteps fade away, he retrieves Changkyun’s script from his collection of scripts, gives it one last long look, then proceeds to file it in properly, like the rest of his own scripts.

“Farewell to you too, Changkyun,” he whispers into the night for no one in particular to hear.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Constructive criticism is more than welcome!
> 
> I will now try to explain what's going on with this fic in case it made no sense. Changkyun is a time traveller from the present. I don't really have any exact explanation as to why he decided to leave, but in the end, he time-travelled away again. Thus, the prompt 'past' works with this fic in a few aspects. Firstly, Changkyun was visiting the past for some time. Secondly, Hyungwon is finally putting the past behind him and moving on after spending so long dwelling over it. I hope this makes sense haha.
> 
> I actually hadn't meant for this fic to end up being over 3000 words, but it just happens sometimes. While I was writing this I initially ended up turning it into Hyungki more than I intended so I went with it, but then I decided to just remove it. There are still some implications that they might end up together later though, so you can pretend that's what happens after the ending of this fic. I originally wrote that Kihyun asked Hyungwon if he would like to dance while they were in the pub but ended up cutting that out.
> 
> Twitter: [hchaes](https://twitter.com/hchaes)  
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